Act Wisely, Leave While You Can

ACT WISELY, LEAVE WHILE YOU CAN

By Ethel Schultz Pittaway

This is the story of Abigail and Lizzie (not her real name). Abigail, as the Bible tells us, was married to a mean, dishonest fool called Nabal.  Lizzie lived with her partner, the father of her children, who was abusive and a drunk.

In the story of Abigail (1 Samuel 25) David, who had been camping nearby, sent a request during shearing time which also was feast time, to Abigail's husband, Nabal to remind him of the protection his workers had enjoyed and requested some payback.  It was also culturally accepted that hospitality was shown to travellers.  All David got for his trouble were some pretty rough insults and Nabal saying that he didn't know who the heck David was! David's response was one of anger and threats.

Nabal's servants knowing who to go to when trouble was brewing, found Abigail and warned her that David had taken these insults personally. The servant said "You'd better think fast, for there is going to be trouble for our master (Nabal) and his whole family. He's so ill-tempered that no one can even talk to him." (1 Samuel 25:17)

Sound a little familiar? Someone you know? Have you lived with someone who is abusive, says sorry only to abuse you again whether emotionally, physically or financially?

When Abigail was confronted with what probably had been a pattern of misery in her marriage, she considered the problem, loaded up a feast of bread, wine, sheep, grain, raisins and figs on donkeys and took control of the volatile situation. She put a plan that she knew was in direct conflict with her abusive husband into action.

Abigail was not afraid to act in the best interest of her household. David listened to what she had to say and thanked God for her good sense. When Abigail returned home, she waited until the next morning for her husband to be sober and told him what she had done. Possibly as a result of his anger or shock, he had a stroke and ten days later was dead.

Lizzie had many warnings. On a number of occasions she was badly beaten by her partner. Each time it happened she believed him when he said he would never do it again. Tragically, he did and this time Lizzie did not survive the attack and her children were left destitute without a mother.

The bible has zero tolerance for violence and oppression (Psalm 17:4, Proverbs 3:31, Proverbs 24:1-2). Statistics show that women who stay with men who physically abuse them ultimately pay with their lives. Don't believe anyone who says it is your duty to stay with an abusive partner. Go to a place of safety. Accept that it is not your fault. Leave without telling your partner and if necessary apply to the clerk of court for a restraining order. Love needs to be tough. When a situation is physically dangerous, a wise woman is obligated to do as Abigail did to preserve her own life as well others whose lives are at risk.